Terra and Darcy Reenact Llamas with Hats!
by Authora97
Summary: (Inspired by this prompt: Make Terra and Darcy do Llamas in Hats with the DW crew watching.) Crack!fic When everyone looked back, they were say it was all Rose's fault. Even Rose herself. She only wanted them to explain the 'Carl' joke. I OWN NOTHING EXCEPT THE TWINS!
1. Why 'Carl?

**AN: This was all a prompt. 'Make Terra and Darcy re-enact** _ **'Llamas with Hats'**_ **with the DW crew watching'. In the words of Barney Stinson,** _ **challenge accepted.**_ **Hope this is what you were asking for!**

 **This is definitely a crack!fic. Please no flames. This was just something fun.**

 **Disclaimer: If I owned DW, I can guarantee it would be sadder (but Sherlock and SPN would be there).** _ **'Llamas With Hats'**_ **isn't mine either. I am NOWHERE on level to write that comedy gold.**

 **==TADRLWH==**

It was just one stupid question. It shouldn't have mattered, really, not at all. It was just so stupid and silly a question that Terra felt she had to answer it to the best of her ability.

"Why 'Carl'?" Rose had asked.

"What?" Terra had asked back.

"You called your companion Carl." Rose replied. "Why do that? It doesn't make sense."

It occurred to our protagonist that Rose was from a time four years before the first episode came out.

Rose was from the same time as the birth of Youtube. It made the Time Lady ever so happy to have a new victi-I mean spectator.

Then the Doctor and Jack said they had no idea either.

No, as much as she would argue against it, Terra _loved_ theatrics.

She asked the Doctor to take her to a theatre. She had a plan, and it needed to be done to justice or else what was the point?

It soon became apparent that the future companions had no idea either, because when the TARDIS landed at Terra's chosen location seven other people were already there.

There was future Martha Jones and Mickey Smith, the couple. Donna Noble and the Tenth Doctor. The Eleventh Doctor and the Ponds (pre marriage).

Terra grinned at her (very much) captive audience.

It took maybe twenty seconds for the Doctors to all realize their other selves were there. Everyone was standing with their own TARDISes (except Martha and Mickey. They said they saw a bright flash and they were just suddenly _there_ )

Nine turned to glare at the Time Lady, only to find she had vanished.

"Why are we here?" Mickey asked. Well, he _was_ the one to ask the obvious questions.

"Listen up maggots and I'll tell you!" Terra's voice was coming from the stage. Everyone from the TARDIS crew turned to see the Time Lady on stage, dressed in a light khaki colored baggy hoodie and a matching gray skirt.

"Rose brought to my attention, that you are all virgins." Terra began. "None of you have seen the famous Youtube series _'Llamas with Hats_ '. I can't let this stand for our friendships to continue, so I asked the TARDIS to bring you here. Guess she decided to bring _everyone_. Saves me time, at least."

The Doctors and companions stared at Terra in concern.

"The green screen is for me." She gestured to a large TV screen that had been placed in front of the stage. "The TV is for you. Trust me, it's funnier if you watch it from the TV screen."

They didn't like where this was going. Some of them had been friends with Terra for a long time, they knew how her mind worked. Those that knew, knew they weren't allowed to leave until they _learned_.

"I even asked my own _personal_ Carl back for help."

Darcy Anderson suddenly walked out from behind the green screen, holding her hands behind her back. She was dressed up a the same clothes as Terra, except Darcy's was dark gray. She was smiling _way_ too brightly.

"Everyone, this is ' _Carl'._ "

Darcy continued to smile brightly. She pulled out two hats from behind her back- a giant olive green elf cap and a bright red hat with a daisy.

"These are our hats." Terra explained.

The Time Lady and her assassin put the hats on their heads. They never stopped smiling.

The Doctors were all wondering when Terra lost her sanity.

The companions knew she never had it. They were all worried if they would leave as crazy as her.

"And this is us, reenacting ' _Llamas With Hats: The Complete Series'_."

Yep. Everyone blamed Rose.

 **==TADRLWH==**

 **AN: So here it is. I'll get the next bit up when I can. Don't look to hard at the plotholes. Crack!fics are not** _ **supposed**_ **to have filled plotholes.**

 **Hope I did you proud, Barney Stinson, by starting this challenge.**


	2. Stabbed 37 Times

**So...wow. I'm...actually really happy at the response this is getting. Thanks everyone!**

 **Disclaimer: I own Terra and Darcy. Nothing else is mine. Okay, maybe some of the words are mine, but not ALL of them.**

 **==TADRLWH==**

"The following events are entirely fake. Though...that's not to say we didn't let some truth slip in there."

Lights shined on Terra and Darcy. Terra was glaring at Darcy, hands on her hips and looking _very_ disapproving. Darcy was staring down at the space between them, a quirky grin on her face.

Team Nine watched with hesitance. They only knew Darcy for a short time, it didn't bode well. Team Ten and Eleven knew Darcy better. They knew to be afraid.

The TV showed Terra and Darcy standing in front of a _brutally_ murdered dead body.

" _Carl! There is a dead human in our house!"_ Exclaimed Terra.

Darcy was smiling innocently. _"Oh...hey...How did he get here?"_ Darcy asked, innocently.

" _Caaaarl, what did you do?!"_ Terra asked dramatically.

" _Me?"_ Darcy scoffed, too loudly to be innocent. Her hands went to her chest, an incredulous look on her face. _"Uh, I didn't do this!"_

" _Explain what happened, Carl!"_ Terra ordered in a panic.

" _I've never seen him before in my life!"_ Darcy excused, turning her nose up at both the body and Terra. She crossed her arms over her chest for emphasis.

Terra did not believe her. _"Why did you kill this person, Carl?"_ Asked Terra sternly.

" _I do not kill people. That is."_ The assassin shook her head, not believing her own lie. _"That is my_ least _favorite thing to do."_ A few of the companions and River snorted at the obvious lie.

The Time Lady gave her a level stare. _"Tell me, Carl,_ exactly _what you were doing before I came home."_ She ordered impatiently.

" _Alright, well...I was upstairs-"_ Darcy began

Terra nodded. _"Okay."_

Darcy glanced around the room, anywhere except the dead body. _"I was uh...I was sitting in my room-"_

" _Yes?"_

" _Reading a book-"_

" _Sure. Go on."_

Amy and Rory laughed a little, though stopped when Eleven came them a look. Mickey hid his grin. They always loved it when Terra and Darcy argued.

The assassin looked down at the body again. _"And, uh, well this guy walked in-"_ She motioned to the corpse.

Terra made a face that read 'we're getting somewhere'. _"Okay."_

" _So, I went up to him-"_

" _Yes."_

" _And I...I stabbed him. Thirty-seven times. In the chest."_ Finished Darcy, innocently.

The Doctors and companions stared at Darcy with...with shock. It's the way to describe it. Maybe horror. Maybe a bit of dark humor, in some of the more murder-y (wink wink Jack and River (also no I'm not flirting with either of you!)) companions. The Doctors were a bit angry, glaring at Darcy for _daring_ to make them _watch_ this with their _superior_ eyes!

Terra had the best reaction out of any of them. _"Caaaaaaaaaaaaarl, that KILLS people!"_ Shouted her very annoyed sister.

" _Oh!"_ Darcy gasped, stupidly. Though it was obvious she was faking for her sister's sake. _"Well, I didn't know that!"_

Her hand raised to pinch the bridge of Terra's nose. _"How could you not know that?!"_ She asked in a long, tired whine.

Darcy shrugged, face scrunched up in an awkward smile. _"Yeah, I'm in the wrong here. I_ suck _."_ She gave a curt nod. She was staring down at the dead body. The awkward smile turned fond.

River and Jack were laughing loudly now.

The Doctors were even starting to crack smiles.

Well, until Terra spoke again. _"What happened to his hands?"_

Darcy's head snapped to her sister, blinking in confusion. _"What's that?"_

Terra pointed down at the cartoon body's bloody wrists. _"His hands."_ She repeated. Rose noticed her voice was rising, as if some horrible ideas were coming to Terra. " _Why-why are they missing? This isn't Veggietales, Carl, people are supposed to have hands!"_

"Oh god, I don't even want to know." Martha groaned, facepalming.

"Why do I get the feeling she's about to say something awful?" Rory asked Amy.

"Cause she is." Mickey answered, having heard the question.

" _Well, I kind of umm...cooked them up. And ate them."_ The assassin answered, happily. It was the same disinterested voice someone used when saying _'oh I ate the last of your favorite cereal sorry-not sorry'._

"That's pretty bad, yeah." Rory blanched.

The Doctors were disgusted. _This_ was someone Terra called a best friend? Someone who ate _hands_?

" _Caaaaaaaaaarl!"_ Terra whined melodramatically.

Darcy shrugged nonchalantly. _"Well, I-I was hungry. And well, you know, when you crave hands-"_

To be honest, the companions were laughing again.

Terra ran her hand over her face. _"Why on earth would you do that?!"_ She shouted up at the sky.

" _I was hungry for hands!"_ Darcy shrugged off, with a dramatic roll of her eyes. _"Gimme a break!"_

" _Caaaaaarl!"_ Terra sighed. She pulled her red hat down over her face to hide her own smile.

Darcy smirked, teasingly at Terra. _"My stomach was making the rumblies."_

" _Caarl!"_

Her smirk turned devilish. _"That only_ hands _would satisfy."_

"That's sick!" Donna cried out. "Who would eat hands?"

"I've seen aliens eat people, but never just their hands!" Rory added. Though, it clear if he was trying to reassure Donna or agree with Donna.

"We've all seen that, Rory." River commented, smiling in that knowing way that had all the Doctors drooling (though they'd never admit it to their respective companions).

" _What is wrong with you, Carl?!"_ Terra shouted.

"What's right with her's a shorter list." Jack snarked.

The two pseudo actresses snorted onstage. It sent a chain reaction to all the Doctors and the companions.

Darcy was still laughing as she delivered the final line. _"Well, I kill people and I eat hands! That's-that's two things!"_

Soft music played as the lights cut off.

 **==TADRLWH==**

 **AN: Tada! Don't expect fast updates. This was a miracle, in of itself.**

 **Also sorry if it sucked or didn't meet your standards! (There's just no pleasing some people!)**

 **Thanks to Wingdings13 for favoriting!**

 **Thanks to Wingdings13 and Isabelneccessaryonabicycle for following!**


	3. The Boat

**Sorry this took so long, y'all. I've been bingeing Game of Thrones (caught up. Arya is my Queen) and old Star Trek ("** _ **it's a matter of biology"**_ **...dude** _ **Amok Time**_ **in the best!). Then there was the entire month of June where I was running around Florida.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing. Just Terra and Darcy.**

 **==TADRLWH==**

The Doctors and their respective companions found food had been put in front of them.

They all ate their lunches. They was an awkward moment when Eleven ate fish fingers with custard (Ten and Nine couldn't believe they'd ever eat such a thing in the future, then Eleven snapped at them about their bananas). It was a lifesaver when the stage lights came back on, with Terra and Darcy standing in a yellow lifeboat.

"Do we even want to know why they're in that?" Donna asked.

"Probably not." Rory shook his head.

"Is that supposed to be a cruiseship behind them?" Martha asked.

"Oh god it is!" Rose gasped.

"And it's sinking." Ten noted.

Mickey shook his head. "I've got a bad feeling about that."

" _Carl! What on earth was all that?"_ The Time Lady instantly snapped, breaking off the conversations.

" _I'm not sure what you're referring to."_ Darcy answered nonchalantly.

" _You sunk an entire cruise ship, Carl!"_ Terra shouted.

Darcy stared at Terra in shock. " _Are you sure that was me? I, I would think I'd remember something like that."_ The assassin was snickering, rolling her eyes in amusement.

" _Carl, I watched you fire a harpoon into the captain's face!"_ Terra went on.

" _That sounds dangerous."_ Said Darcy.

" _You were headbutting children off the ship!"_ Terra shouted in outrage.

The companions all gasped out in horror.

" _That, uh... that must've been horrifying to watch!"_ She gasped.

" _Then you started making out with the ice sculptures!"_ Terra listed.

" _Well, thank_ God _that the children weren't on board to see that!"_ Darcy argued strongly, hands on her chest.

"She prioritized the ice sculpture over the headbutting kids?" Amy pointed out. "I feel like ice sculpture should have gone first in that list."

It was hilarious when they spoke up, because then the two girls on stage had to 'pause' themselves until the conversation was over.

Also, Amy made a good point.

"Why _was_ ice sculpture last?" Rose asked.

"Probably just so they could make that joke." Nine supposed.

"There were a lot worse things to but ahead of it, though." Rory argued. "And probably something worse in a minute."

Terra was fighting a smile. " _Uhh... Carl why is the lifeboat all red and sticky?"_ Terra asked, scanning the 'ocean'.

Darcy looked down at her boots. " _Well I guess you_ could _say it is red and sticky."_ She commented.

" _Caaarl, what are we standing in?"_ Terra warned.

" _Would you believe it's strawberry milkshake?"_ Darcy asked.

Terra narrowed her eyes. " _No! I would not believe that!"_

Jack snorted. "I don't know anyone that would."

" _Uhh, melted gumdrops?"_ She tried again.

" _No."_ Terra replied sternly. Everyone started to laugh.

Darcy winced. " _Boat nectar?"_

" _No."_ Terra repeated sternly.

"How does she even think of this stuff?" Rose asked.

Ten shook his head. "I don't want to know."

"How long do you think she's been coming up with stuff like that?" Mickey asked. "I'm not sure if she thought for awhile, or if it's on the spot."

Amy shook her head, but she was laughing too. "I don't care. She's being ridiculous!"

" _Some of God's tears?"_ Darcy answered, sickeningly sweet.

Their friend glared at Darcy. " _Tell me the truth, Carl."_ Terra ordered.

" _Fine."_ She rolled her eyes, groaning. " _It's the lovely elderly couple from 2B."_ She answered sweetly.

Terra nearly leapt out of the lifeboat. " _CAAARL!"_ She screamed in disgust and anger.

"Oh my _god._ " River was laughing. Well, everyone else was too. Sometimes it was nice to laugh at death instead of be surrounded by it.

" _Well they were, uh, they were taking all the croissant rolls."_ Darcy reasoned.

" _I can't believe what I'm hearing!"_ She facepalmed.

" _I will not apologize for art."_

" _Where are the other lifeboats?"_ Terra asked, panicked.

" _Whoa!"_ Darcy laughed. " _You won the prize, I didn't even notice that."_

"I'm actually looking forward to what she says." Martha admitted. "How sick is that?"

"Not very. I'm excited about it too!" Amy admitted.

Terra narrowed her eyes. " _Where are the other lifeboats, Carl?"_

Darcy squinted up at the sky. " _Looking at the trajectory of the moon and the sun,_ and the position of the stars _, probably at the bottom of the ocean."_ Terra groaned, letting her head fall against her chest. " _I bit lots of holes in them."_ Darcy explained proudly.

" _CARL!"_

" _I have a problem. I have a serious problem."_ Darcy laughed.

" _You are just, terrible today!"_ Terra shook her head.

"And every other day." Jack snarked. The people on his couch threw some pillows at him. That made everyone else laugh.

" _Shhh! D'you hear that?"_ Darcy held her hand against her ear. " _That's the sound of forgiveness."_

Terra glared. " _That's the sound of people drowning, Carl."_

"That _is what forgiveness sounds like."_ Darcy explained. " _Screaming and then silence."_ The two girls looked meaningfully at River, before the stage fell back to darkness.

Eleven looked over to the blonde. She kept her eyes on stage, an impassive look on her face.

 **==TADRLWH==**

 **AN: Not my best work. I'm sorry. I've been stressed. Hopefully the next chapter I'll be less stressed.**

 **Thanks to PoisonCupcake101 for favoriting**

 **Thanks to Dreamer Miyu, LukeCamaro, and Scribleyellow for following**


	4. Viva La Revolution

They had been gathered again. They moved around some. Rose, Amy, Martha, Donna, and Clara were all sitting together on one couch. Mickey, Rory, Jack, and River were on the other couch. The three Doctors were stuck together on the last couch together. It was a recipe for disaster.

So basically River's couch thought it was hilarious.

The spotlights turned on. Terra and Darcy stood onstage. Their new set was a burning stone ruin.

Terra glared. " _Carl, we're supposed to be on vacation._ " She reminded.

" _I don't know about you but I'm having a lovely time here._ " Darcy explained it delight, flipping her hair back.

" _You toppled a south american government, Carl._ " Terra snapped.

Jack snorted. "Amatuer! I've done that twice!"

" _The people have spoken, valvata the resistance._ " Darcy decreed.

Terra " _You pushed the resistance leader into a giant fan._ " The

"Have you done _that_?" Amy asked Jack.

"No." Jack answered.

Darcy turned her nose up. " _He was a traitor and a scoundrel._ "

" _He was trying to stop you from pushing other people into a giant fan!_ " Terra shouted.

Darcy opened her mouth to argue. Instead, to the disgust of everyone in the room, she 'threw-up' an arm.

"Oh my god!"

"That's disgusting!"

"How did that even _fit?"_

River hit Jack with a pillow. "I didn't say that!"

"You were thinkin' it." Mickey countered.

" _That was an arm. I seemed to have swallowed an entire person._ " Darcy mused.

" _That would be the hotel bartender._ " She deadpanned.

Darcy clicked her fingers. " _Well that makes sense why my nachos taking so long._ "

Terra shuddered. " _It was horrifying, Carl, your mouth unhinged like a snake._ " The girl couch shuddered as well. They'd all seen aliens that could do stuff like that.

" _Wow, that sounds pretty awesome._ " The assassin chuckled.

" _I can't go anywhere with you, Carl._ " She sighed.

"Neither can we!" The Ninth Doctor and Amy shouted.

"Amy!" The Eleventh Doctor scolded.

"You covered me in space whale sick!" Amy defended herself. "I was in my nightie!"

Darcy sniffled, turning her back on Terra. " _That hurt my feelings, now we're both in the wrong._ "

" _I wanna go home, we're leaving._ " She turned to walk off the stage.

" _In that case I should probably mention that all our luggage is filled with orphan meat."_

Terra stopped. " _Wh-what?_ "

" _I'm building a meat dragon and any meat won't do._ " Darcy explained.

"A meat dragon?" Amy asked. She turned to the other women on her couch. "Anyone see _that_ before?"

"I saw a Jagrabelly-"

"Jagrafess." Nine corrected.

"-it _looked_ like a dragon." Rose answered.

"Saw this giant head thing with tentacles." Martha answered. "It wasn't a dragon but it was weird like one."

"Oh! I bet none of you saw little aliens made of fat!" Donna challenged. "Or a giant mad spider lady!"

"Cybermen!" Mickey challenged.

"Vampire fish!" Rory countered.

"Oh, Jim the Fish." River recalled in delight.

"Bet none of you saw a giant lizard thing come out from a crack in your bedroom wall!"

"Stop it!" The Doctors all scolded.

" _You know what? Forget it I'm not even shocked anymore._ " Terra lifted her arms up in defeat.

" _Oh, that's no fun._ " Darcy pouted.

" _This has become the norm for you Carl._ "

" _I'll have to try harder next time._ " Darcy teased.

" _Please don't._ "

" _I feel like I've initiated a challenge._ "

" _Carl._ " Terra growled.

" _It's too late now, you._ "

" _You?_ " Terra asked

" _I totally don't know your name._ " Darcy deadpanned.

The Time Lords tensed. The female companions leaned forward in anticipation. The males and River watched in interest.

" _What? We've known each other since you were a kid, Carl._ " Terra reminded.

" _And what an impression you've made._ " Darcy complimented.

" _My name is Terra._ "

Darcy blinked. " _What?_ "

" _I said my name is Terra._ " Terra repeated.

" _Oh. I thought you were a man._ " Darcy admitted.

Terra gawked at her. Jack, Mickey, and Rory laughed out loudly. " _Why would you think that?_ "

" _Mostly the fashion sense, are you sure?_ " Darcy asked, much to the delight of everyone on River's couch.

" _Yes._ " Terra was nearly grinding her teeth.

Darcy's eyes widened. She shuffled in place. " _Well if you excuse me I have some pictures to delete from my computer..._ "

"Alright. Is this done?" Ten asked, rising up from his couch.

Terra broke character. "Well this _scene_. I'm thinking the next one'll start after we get pizza."

"No I mean all of this." Ten motioned to the room. "This performance. Your friend, Carl, _could not_ have done all of this."

"Yeah." Nine rose up beside his successor.

Terra looked over at Darcy. "They don't think you're this insane."

"We could tell them about... _the birthday party_." Darcy grinned wolfishly.

Terra blanched. "Oh no, no, no. This is fun, this is safe. They do _not_ need to see your birthday party."

Jack raised his hand. "I'd like to see it."

Rory did too.

Terra groaned.

Darcy squeaked in delight. She clapped her hands, jumping in place. "We're gonna talk about my birthday! We're gonna talk about my birthday!" She sang.

 _It was at that point, the companions knew, they fucked up._

 **==TADRLWH==**

 **AN: Oh yeah. I'm getting real now.**

 **Thanks to Scribleyellow, Zaconator and Zackis, djmegamouth, and StoryGirlWrites for favoriting**

 **Thanks to BlueFlame27 and djmegamouth for following**


	5. The (Not-So) Happy Birthday

The stage lit up. The Doctors and their companions (plus River. She was on a different level from the regular companions) looked at the stage in confusion. There was no green screen, or TV. They were used to seeing the green screen now, as well as seeing Terra and Darcy waiting there. Some actually looked forward to seeing it.

The stage was empty. Terra wasn't even there. It was just an empty stage.

They were concerned up until the Time Lady marched up to center stage. She wasn't wearing the khaki outfit, nor her usual purple hoodie. Instead she wore a green shirt. She was wearing a pair of jeans, though.

"Terra?" Jack prompted. "You alright? You look annoyed."

"I am." Terra snapped. The newer companions (aka, everyone who hadn't met Second Terra) stared in surprise. They hadn't seen this Terra angry yet. "You fuckers _asked_ for this." This surprised the new companions again. They weren't used to her swearing. Nine and Rose snorted at it. "And I won't forgive you, any of you, for it. Especially _you_ , Rose. I blame most of this on you."

"I didn't know it'd be this!" Rose defended herself.

Terra didn't listen. She turned around, walking back from where she came. "Welcome to the _Happy Birthday That Must Not Be Brought Up._

The lights went out.

A few minutes later, they came back on. The stage had the green screen back, with the TV screen. The TV screen showed a nice family home, looking somewhat fancy with a pair of double doors that led presumably to another room.

Darcy sat on the stage. She wasn't wearing the gray outfit. Instead she wore a pair of long jeans, a long sleeved rainbow striped shirt, and her head was free of the hat. She was sitting sideways in a big comfy chair, drawing on a book.

Terra stormed back onstage. " _Dammit, Anderson, I'm gonna kill ya!"_ Terra snapped as she marched.

The other woman didn't even flinch. " _Not on my birthday, right? I just turned nine. Let me get to the double digits first!"_ Darcy laughed, not getting up from her chair. " _Wait. Just in case, tell me what I did again."_

Jack and River laughed. It wasn't a surprise that Darcy was a troublemaker. Terra seemed to attract them like moths to an active flame.

" _You tracked mud all over the nice carpet!"_ Terra growled. She gestured down to the carpet which, according to the TV screen, had a trail of dark red footprints.

" _Mud? That's not-"_ Darcy glanced down at it. She hummed in surprise. " _Huh. Yep. Call it mud."_ She grinned back up at Terra. " _That's all?"_

Terra narrowed her eyes. " _What did you do?"_

" _It's my birthday! Give me a_ break." Darcy defended herself, dryly.

" _I'll_ 'break' _your leg!"_ Terra replied.

Everyone laughed.

"Terra was feisty." Mickey chuckled.

"Carl doesn't even look worried." Amy noted.

"Now that right there is a mess!"

Terra growled, annoyed. " _I just had it cleaned yesterday, dumbass! The O'Rileys are gonna see this and be_ pissed _!"_ Terra stomped her foot for emphasis.

" _They have kids. Blame it on them."_ Darcy excused. " _They're assholes anyway."_

"The O'Rileys or their kids?" Martha asked the others.

Rory shrugged. "I think she's talking about both."

"She definitely is." Nine voiced. If he happened to know that because he believed humans were idiots, none of his companions said.

Terra went on. " _Those are clearly your footprints, Purple! I can see it on your shoes!"_

" _What's got you all messed up today?"_ Darcy asked. She positioned herself so that Terra couldn't see the bottoms of her shoes. Ten could tell (by the tone of her voice alone) this 'Carl' didn't care at all about Terra's plight, thinking it all some joke.

Terra huffed. She moved over to the door, leaning against it. " _Purple, please, for five second-WOAH!"_

The door behind her slid open, causing Terra to fall through it.

Everyone gasped (and gagged) when they saw what was inside.

At first glance, it was a happy family dinner. A small family of four: two parents, one girl, one boy (though the kids looked more like teenagers). They were dressed up in nice clothes, hair done up all nice. They had been planning for a fancy dinner. Well, they got it half right.

Closer look showed the places faces of the family, the vacant look in their eyes. Foam was coming out from their blue lips, dripping down their shirts. They must've been tied to their chairs, because they clearly weren't able to do it themselves. In addition to needing the support, they'd have fallen into the bowls of what looked like chili set out on the table. Anyone with even some medical knowledge knew they'd been poisoned by the chili.

Everyone on the couches were disgusted. Rose, Donna, and Amy were looking peaky. Martha, a medical professional and survivor of the Year-That-Never-Was, wasn't so disgusted. Mickey had seen a lot of horrible things when fighting the Cybermen. The Doctors and Jack were (sadly) used to violence. River, who knew these two better than the others, watched with a fond sort of smile (she had heard this story before, after one of Darcy's other birthdays).

" _CARL!"_ Terra yelled.

She hopped up from her chair, spreading her arms wide. " _Happy Birthday!"_ Darcy shouted, sounding an awful like Frosty the Snowman.

" _Do_ not _quote Frosty to me!"_ Terra snapped as she got back up to her feet. " _Why._ Why _would you do this?"_

" _Cause it's the one thing you can't replace_!" Darcy cheered, pointing finger guns at Terra. " _Get it?"_

The Time Lady on stage quickly covered her hand with her mouth, staying in character as herself from the past. Though when she lowered her hand, the Doctors and her own companions could see the corners of her lips fighting a smile.

" _Don't quote John Mulaney to me! Why did you do it?"_ Terra snapped in exasperated rage.

" _Why don't you blow out our candles? I forgot how old you were turning, so I just settled for nine. Like me!"_ Darcy cheered. " _And, you know, the actual candles. Just imaginary candles. You still gotta blow 'em out."_

" _You've gone too far this time, Carl!"_ Terra snapped.

" _Was that a challenge?"_ Darcy asked, glee in her voice.

"Who would take that as a _challenge_?" Rory asked.

"I know someone that would." River commented, not admitting that the person was her previous self. It was too early in Rory's timeline for that.

" _No it was_ not!" Terra replied in what was definitely a warning that Darcy should never do this again. " _Why did you even do this? Things were going so well!"_

" _It wasn't me. They went online without their parents permission!"_

" _Carl."_

" _They ripped the tag off a mattress!"_

The companions would later (once they stopped being so disgusted) say that Carl was actually rather funny with those excuses. The Ninth Doctor would only ever admit it if you got him drunk first.

" _This isn't funny, Carl!"_ Terra

" _Who's laughing?"_ Darcy replied. For a few brief seconds, the Doctors thought she had a shred of decency. " _Clearly not the O'Rileys!"_ Whoop, there it goes. Bye, bye, little human decency.

" _We're leaving...right now. Before anyone notices!"_ Terra demanded. She started walking off the stage.

" _But think of all the_ chili _we get to munch on now!"_ Darcy called her back.

Terra whirled over to face her, looking more disgusted than the companions were. " _But why? I hate chili!"_

" _Because we're family now, and family is two sisters munching on a well cooked bowl of chili together."_ Darcy insisted.

" _That isn't family Carl, that's_ sick _!"_ Terra informed. She started to move back off stage. She paused just before reaching it. Her expression dropped into one of sad realization. " _Where's their uncle? He was in town for the week."_

Darcy blinked innocently. " _Well if you didn't like the decorations, then you're probably not going to like the secret ingredient of the chili."_ She pointed to the bowl of stew, set in the middle of the table.

The Doctors immediately understood.

River, Jack, and Martha did as well.

" _What does that even have to do with...oh Sweet Merciful Author!_ " The Time Lady onstage mimed gagging. " _You Scott Tenorman'd them!"_

" _SURPRISE!"_ The woman playing her nine-year-old self cheered.

" _Scott Tenorman_?" Amy asked the group.

"It's from an adult cartoon." River answered. "Where a character made a boy named Scott Tenorman eat his parents for revenge after he'd been humiliated in front of the town."

"The uncle is in the soup." The Eleventh Doctor finished.

Then, the rest of the companions were ready to vomit.

Terra and Darcy had to stop the reenactment for a few minutes, while the companions all adjusted. Some of them went off to puke in a provided bucket. Others had held out for a while, until hearing the others empty their stomachs.

Terra was fighting it too. " _Ah oh uh no ah uh!"_ She shrunk away from the other woman in disgust.

" _I'm sorry!_ " Darcy called out to her. " _I thought you'd like it. Obviously there was a miscommunication."_

" _This awful Carl!"_ Terra scolded. She grimaced. " _Oh Storyline, that's not mud on your's shoes! It's O'Riley blood!"_

" _You're right. It's not nearly as_ tasteful _as I pictured it in my head."_ The woman admitted.

"You're bloody well right it's not!" Mickey called out.

" _Don't make murder puns! I think I'm going to throw up..."_ Terra admitted, holding her stomach.

" _This was clearly the wrong way to go."_ Darcy admitted.

" _Ya think, Carl?!"_ Terra ranted, still holding her stomach. She let out a stabling breath.

" _They didn't even question it! They just ate the stupid chili! That_ I. Cooked. _Who eats food I made? They didn't even stop when they_ definitely _could tell it was poisoned!"_ Darcy defended herself.

" _But that isn't the problem, Carl! Why would you think any of this is a good idea?"_ Terra asked.

"That's what I'd like to know." The Ninth Doctor added.

"This was disgusting." Rose agreed. She had been one of the first ones to lose her gut. She was still pale from it.

"No matter how terrible it is, I know that girl." River revealed. "If she did this, there was good reason for it."

"For making someone eat their own family?" Amy whirled around to ask her. She'd only met River a short time ago. She didn't want to know what kind of person would think this was okay.

River nodded. "Yes."

"You sure about that?" Donna countered. "Because that's the most _disgusting_ thing I've ever seen! And I've seen giant spiders!"

Fortunately, the sisters cut them off by starting back up again.

" _I told you, they were assholes!"_ Darcy excused. " _Katy was doing drugs that she bought from Kenny's friend, has since she was twelve. I found out that Kenny set them up. The fosters were because they let the uncle do what he wanted."_

" _And that was..."_ Terra dragged off, clearly not wanting to ask because she already knew the answer.

" _I was eight when he did it to me."_ Darcy replied. She glanced over at the chili, dismissive. " _So, I let him get ate."_

The whole room paused.

" _Oh."_ Terra replied, so much behind a single word.

" _Taste of his own medicine, right? That's what you said to do. You've been saying to me for_ years." The woman excused her actions. But her words were shaking, just a bit, the way a child's would when they were nervous. It was noticeable for the people watching, who had seen children scared before. This must be how it'd been when it first happened, how Darcy first reacted to the treatment.

Terra was reacting the same too. She was still pale, though there was strength in her expression. A determination those in Nine's group had seen before.

" _Alright. New town."_ Terra decided, all of her previous anger gone from her voice.

Darcy beamed. She raised her arms in the air. " _Yay!"_

Terra snorted. " _This is the present you wanted, wasn't it?"_ She asked.

Darcy started wailing her arms about. " _Yay!"_

The lights went out.

Five minutes later, when everyone was calmer, Terra came back out. She was back in the simple dress, complete with the flower hat.

"Can we go back to the _Llamas With Hats_ now?" Terra asked impatiently to the time travelers. She didn't let them answer. They weren't going to. "Good. Be back in five."

Darcy huffed in disappointment. "But I _liked_ it this way!"

"Carl." Terra warned. "Put on the dress!"

 **==TADRLWH==**

 **AN: I saw the South Park episode '** _ **Scott Tenorman Must Die'**_ **, and went '** _ **Shit that's something Darcy would've done...HOLY SHIT! IDEA!'**_ **So that's my explanation for this monstrosity.**

 **Thanks to yukicarr for favoriting**

 **Thanks to yukicarr for following**


	6. What Did You Do Today?

Terra and Darcy skipped out, dressed up in the dresses with hats. They had changed the set again. They were standing outside maybe in a park. Oddly this was the normalest scene the Doctors and Companions had seen yet.

" _Carl! I know you've done something!"_ Terra snapped.

"Of course she did something." Mickey snorted. "I barely know her, and I already can tell she's done something."

" _Whatever do you mean?"_ Darcy asked innocently.

" _You've always done something. It's a lovely day out, we're having a good time. What have you done?"_ Terra demanded.

"Sounds a lot like the Doctor." River mused.

That made various companions giggle. The Doctors all looked offended. Even Terra snorted.

Nine gawked at her. "Terra!"

"Sorry! It's just-" She snorted again. "It's true." She turned to Darcy. "Okay, okay, sorry. Keep going." Terra suppressed her snickers (unsuccessfully).

" _You mistake me for some sort of scoundrel."_ Darcy raised her nose to the Time Lady.

" _Carl!"_ Terra warned.

" _I am as respected member of the community."_ Darcy argued.

"Yeah right!" Donna heckled to the amusement of the others.

" _Okay Carl, so what did you do today?"_ Terra challenged.

" _Well let's see...I washed the car."_ Darcy reported.

Everyone laughed again.

" _Uhuh."_ Terra hummed.

" _I made a donation to the local girl scout troop."_ Darcy continued.

" _Sure."_ Terra clearly agreed with the laughing audience.

" _I returned an overdue movie at Blockbuster."_ Darcy added, as though just remembering she'd done that deed. Or, thinking it was a good deed that could trick her sister.

Terra was not so easily tricked. " _What else?"_

" _Hmm...I stepped on a ladybug by accident."_ Darcy

That actually made Terra pause. Ten knew Terra's expressiosn fairly well by his time. He knew her face right now was her ' _I can't believe this but I actually believe you mean what you say'_ face.

" _Go on."_ Terra ordered.

" _And...I baked some banana bread for our neighbor."_ Darcy cheered with finality.

" _That's it?"_ Terra asked, not seeing what the awful thing was just yet.

"She's hiding something." Rose commented.

"Yeah we got that." Martha remarked.

" _That's all I did today."_ Darcy stated as a crack appeared in the space between her and Terra- and not on the green screen either. " _Ohh."_

Two particular viewers jumped up in shock.

"Doctor that's-" Amy began.

"I know." Eleven cut her off.

"But how could it be-"

" _I don't know_!" Eleven replied shortly. "And I don't like not knowing."

" _Carl! What is that?"_ Terra demanded.

" _I may have forgot to mention one of my activities."_ Darcy smiled innocently, hands over her heart.

" _Carl!"_ Terra snapped.

" _I apologize, that was wrong."_ Darcy pouted.

" _Explain Carl!"_ Terra ordered.

" _Well from here it looks like a weather balloon."_ Darcy joked.

"Doctor I still don't understand." Amy reminded her best friend. Eleven's jaw tensed.

"I don't get what's wrong with the crack." Mickey spoke up. "Or why you're so worked up about it."

" _I'm not in the mood for this."_ Terra went on, making her voice louder than the audience.

" _I think it's just a lens flare and some dust."_ Darcy countered.

" _Just tell me Carl."_ Terra insisted.

" _Fine. I may have created a crack in space time."_ Darcy admitted.

"...but that's not possible!" Ten shouted.

"I'm still figuring it out, to be honest." Eleven admitted. Nine gawked at him. "It's hard to explain, alright?!"

"Where did you even find that?" Donna asked.

"It was on my bedroom wall when I was a little girl." Amy revealed.

Before anyone could comment on _that,_ that crack started spilling out something. A few of them felt queasy when they realized what it was.

" _Through which to collect millions of baby hands."_ Darcy continued.

Someone ran to a bucket to throw up. Surprisingly it was Donna.

Terra blinked. " _Hmm."_

Darcy's jaw dropped. " _What do you mean 'hmm'?"_ She asked, offended.

Terra looked between Darcy and the crack. " _I think I was expecting worse."_ She admitted.

" _Worse? But this is totally fugged sis."_ Darcy failed her arms towards the crack, still spilling baby hands out on the floor. Like _actual_ baby hands.

" _I know but last time, with the soup and the dead family, it's just."_ Terra shrugged. Her expression flat.

"What the hell?!" River shouted. "You've shouted at _me_ for less!"

"Yes!" Ten shouted from the other side of the room. "It's spilling out _baby hands_!"

" _Come on, look at this. How did I even do this?"_ Darcy agreed with the disgusted crowd.

" _I don't understand how or why you do anything."_ Terra admitted.

Darcy drooped. She turned to the crowd, matching their confused and disgusted expressions.

" _Do you know what it feels like to be Carl right now? It hurts."_ She put her hands over her heart, pained. Darcy glanced to the baby hands. " _Not as much as the babies but it hurts."_

" _Uh Carl?"_ Terra began.

" _What?"_ Darcy sniffled, still pretending to be pained.

" _Why are there only hands from white babies?"_ Terra asked, pointing down at the growing pile of baby hands.

"I didn't even notice that." Rose gasped.

Mickey had. He just thought there had been enough disgust had for one day.

" _Well, you know, whities gotta pay."_ Darcy pointed finger guns at Terra.

" _Ah."_ Terra didn't want to respond to that.

" _And the payment is baby hands."_ Darcy continued.

The two bowed to their pale and disgusted audience.

"Now she didn't make a _real_ crack." Terra admitted. "She just left a lot of severed hands with no explanation to how she got them."

"Still haven't said." Darcy cheered.

Terra ignored her. "But it was the first time I wasn't appalled by her actions. Like we said, I expected worse than severed hands."

"Great! Next episode. Now. Shut down the crack." Darcy instructed.

Terra paused. "...I thought you brought the crack."

Darcy raised her eyebrows. She stared at the crack in trepidation now. "TARDIS?" Darcy guessed.

"The TARDIS has this many baby hands?" Terra countered.

"She's weird." Darcy supplied.

As if answering that, the crack and pile of baby hands vanished in a bang.


	7. Meat Dragon

This time, the skit just began. No build up. Well the only real buildup was when the lights came on to reveal Terra and Darcy, standing in front what looked like a bathtub.

" _Aren't you going to say it?"_ Darcy asked.

" _Say what, Carl?"_ Terra snarked.

" _That! My name! All offended and annoyed!"_ Darcy pointed out with cheer.

"Carl!" Jack tried it.

"Carl!" Amy laughed, getting the joke.

"Carl!" Mickey joined in the fun.

"Carl!" Donna snapped, laughing.

"Carl!" Martha tried for serious-it fell flat with her giggling.

All five burst out laughing. River and Rose joined in laughing, and soon Eleven was laughing. It wasn't long before even the grumpiest of the lot- a pouting Nine- was grinning at the antics.

" _I'm leaving Carl."_ Terra stated.

" _What?"_ Darcy gasped.

" _I'm moving out."_ Terra clarified.

"She's what?

" _It's the bathtub full of melted people, isn't it? You never were a fan of modern home design."_ Darcy turned her nose on Terra.

" _It's a lot of things, Carl!"_ Terra argued.

" _Just let me explain!"_ Darcy pleaded. She stood up straighter. " _Efficiency, industry, never before has so many dead bodies been so manageable."_ Darcy waved her arms over the bathtub, like how in the infomercials the woman shows off the jewelry.

" _Carl!"_ Terra snapped.

The humans grimaced in disgust.

" _I'm the Henry Ford of human meat."_ Darcy boasted.

Terra groaned. " _I've already packed, I'm not coming back."_

"About time." Ten commented.

" _Awe come on! We haven't even gotten to the big surprise yet!"_ Darcy complained.

" _I'm sure it's_ very _upsetting."_ Terra replied, snarkily.

" _Well, now I don't even want to show you."_ She turned away from Terra, raising her nose up.

" _Good! I don't want to see it."_ Terra replied.

"For the record, neither do we." Rory requested.

River raised her hand. "I do."

"Seriously?" Eleven asked her. "You want to see what disgusting thing she's cooked up this time?"

"She's funny." River reasoned. "After that whole chili thing, I want to see what she does next."

"Last time she broke a hole in space time!" Ten argued.

River gave him a look. "Oh like you three haven't done that at least _once_."

The Doctors refused to answer that.

It made the companions laugh at them. Yes _at_ them. Not _with_ them.

" _And your being a huge b hole right now."_ Darcy remarked.

" _I'm not the one pushing people into a bathtub full of acid!"_ Terra pointed out.

"That's right you're not!" Nine shouted.

Jack laughed. "She could if she wanted to though."

"Jack!" Ten scolded.

"I'm not saying she _would_ , just that she _could_!" Jack defended himself.

" _I'm not pushing, I'm dunking!"_ Darcy corrected with glee.

" _Gross!"_ Terra spoke for the Doctors and companions in the room, who all were disgusting by the imagery.

" _Do you know what's gross? Your attitude._ " Darcy replied.

" _Are you serious?"_ Terra scoffed.

" _What have I done to deserve all this b-hole coming out of your mouth?"_ Darcy asked.

" _It's everything, Carl! It's everything you've done! Ever!"_ Terra listed.

" _Everything? Even the time I helped Mrs Bixby with her garden?"_ Darcy countered.

"She actually helped someone?" Amy asked.

" _You buried her there!"_ Terra pointed out.

"Ah. That makes sense." Martha nodded her head.

" _It's what she would've wanted."_ Darcy defended.

" _You buried her alive!"_ Terra added.

"Now it really makes sense." Rose agreed.

" _She wasn't keeping up with the weeding. As president of the Homeowners Association, I had to take_ immediate _action."_ Darcy excused.

"What the hell?" Mickey asked while River was laughing. "Oi!"

"I knew she'd be funny." River laughed. This real soft kind where you didn't know she was laughing unless you looked at her face.

" _All you do is kill people, Carl!"_ Terra

" _That's like saying all Mozart did was write songs._ " Darcy scoffed.

"Okay who's going to use that excuse?" Amy asked, raising her hand. "Cause I'm going to use that excuse."

River held up her hand. As did Jack and Rory.

"Rory!" Eleven gasped.

Rory shrugged. "I mean, it was a good line."

"You're a nurse!" Eleven argued. "You're always supposed to be on the opposite side of this!"

"Well...no." Rory shook his head. "I mean yeah but no. Carl is clearly just a troubled young girl who- _OW!"_

Rory had just been hit in the head with a shoe.

Yeah. The companions turned to the stage. Darcy was currently missing one of her shoes, glaring at Terra as if she hadn't done a thing. Terra was doing a poor job of hiding her laughter, she was red in the face.

It made them all laugh, to be honest. The Doctors were doing a better job at hiding their laughter, but only because it had been Rory.

" _You are completely insane!"_ Terra laughed through clenched teeth.

" _Oh, weird! That's what all these dunked people said."_ Darcy gestured to the bathtub.

There was a loud shrill scream. It took the companions a moment to realize it was coming from the bathtub. The Doctors knew instantly. Smug showoffs.

An arm shot up from the tub, reaching towards Terra. The only identifying thing about the hand was a bracelet around her wrist, the rest of it was red with blood. She stared down at it with disappointment. The arm fell over the side of the tub.

" _Is that the surprise?"_ Terra asked, rubbing her forehead.

" _...no."_ Darcy lied, angrily.

" _That looks like Miss Bishop's bracelet. Did you murder our foster mother so we'd_ both _have to move, Carl?"_ Terra asked.

" _...maybe."_ Darcy admitted.

Terra sighed. " _It's horrifying, Carl."_

" _Thank you."_ Darcy

The companions laughed again. Yes the scene was grotesque but that didn't stop it from being funny.

Except for one in particular. Who noticed Terra had said ' _our.'_

 **==TADRWLH==**

 **AN: Sorry this took forever. Got busy with school, other fics, 30+ hours working 3 jobs, and also watching TV.**

 **Thanks to blueandgraycastle for following**


	8. Interlude

It was still dark.

The (sorta captive) audience could tell the next bit had started, except for a small light on the stage.

Terra walked up, standing in front of the light. They could see she was wearing her usual purple hoodie. There was no hat on her head.

There was a sad expression on her face. The same looked Primrose had given when Katniss was taken off to the Hunger Games.

"What's going on?" Ten asked her.

"None of you know." Terra spoke in a soft, wisdom filled voice.

"Know what?" Nine asked. "What's there to know?"

"Which is the problem. I don't _want_ you to know." Terra admitted.

"We know about your friend Carl. What more is there to know?" Amy pointed out. "I'm starting to get bored."

Terra scoffed. Her expression shifting from sad to angry. "That's the problem. You know about _her_ but none of you know about **her**."

Though she said no name, the Doctors shuddered. Like Wizards who heard the name of the Dark Lord.

"You're not making a bit of sense." Donna argued. "What the hell are you on about? We know Carl!"

"And now you're done learning about her." Terra warned them, giving Donna a fierce glare. Donna's anger lessened at the glare, feeling... _afraid_ of her friend. "You all need to go home."

"Terra." Eleven stood up. He took a step closer to the Time Lady. She stayed still under the small candlelight. Her eyes darted to the Doctor, glaring at him. "Would you just talk to us? Give us...something?"

"You'll have no memory of this place." Terra stated, not a reply nor a dismissal to the Doctor. "It was the only way I could get her to agree."

"I understand." Eleven acknowledged. "Which is why I wonder why this needed to happen at all."

"You'll have no memory in terms of memory, only a memory in terms of dreams." Terra admitted. "Not the memory of a memory, but the memory of a dream."

"Huh?" Mickey asked.

"It's more than I've ever been given." She stated plainly, causing many in the room to grimace. Or at least those that knew Terra had lost all memory of Gallifrey, of her home on her, of the monster that had been chasing her through time and space. "But you'll come back...and you'll learn about the one thing _worse_ than my friend."

In a flash, everyone vanished back to the point where they'd been taken.

Terra sighed. The light grew brighter, revealing Darcy standing in the shadows.

"You don't have to tell them about her." Darcy reminded, voice uncharacteristically soft.

Terra's expression steeled itself. "Yes I do."

==TADRLWH==

In a flash, the couches were filled again.

The Doctors were all with their respective companions. Only they were sorted differently. Ten was with Rose on a couch, while Nine sat with an older Jack. Martha and Mickey sat with Donna. Eleven was still with the Ponds and River Song.

They all suddenly remembered, in a rush of memories not unlike being doused in cold water, the memories that had been taken. They remembered the horrid deeds of Darcy Anderson, aka Carl. They remembered each other, however vague the explanations were.

Except they had another couch, with new people on it. An older man, dressed in a black coat with red lining and had eyes like an angry owl. The woman beside him was practically a baby compared to him. She had big brown eyes, almost cartoonish. Her hair was dark brown, falling down straight to her shoulders.

"Who are you?" Rose asked, sitting up on the couch only to find herself right back down on it. Her head was spinning for the arrival to this place.

Clara Oswald blinked, trying to get the world back to focus. "Who are _you_?" She countered. "Oh. That's a headache."

"Brilliant observation." Twelve snarked. He sat up, fixing his coat. He ignored the sharp in his pain, trying to show off his superior biology in front of Clara. His owl eyes landed on Eleven, then darted to see Ten and Nine. He groaned in annoyance. "Oh not _you_ lot again!" He complained in a distinctly Scottish accent.

"You know them?" Clara asked, rubbing at the sore spot on her skull. Her eyes widened when she saw Eleven sitting on the couch.

"Hello there." Eleven waved. "And who are you?"

"Well you lot should know." Twelve argued. He stood up off the couch. He pointed an angry finger towards his Eleventh and Tenth self. "If you were paying attention to anything."

"Oi! I _am_ paying attention!" Nine snipped.

Tenth creased his brow. "I don't know you."

"Neither do I." River commented. She gave Twelve a once over. "But I can guess, sweetie."

Twelve tried not to be flustered- which didn't go well. "Yes. Hello River."

"River?" Clara asked. "Like...River Song?" Clara looked at the archeologist. "But...you're-"

"Clara, spoilers." Twelve scolded. "They're from the past- they don't know you."

"So you're him-" Amy pointed at Eleven. "-but in the future?"

"Yes."

Amy grinned. "Scottish." She held up her fist. "Finally."

Twelve- still fond of the Ponds, missing how they had departed his life- bumped Amy's fist.

"Well I'm Clara." She introduced herself. "Who are you?"

The various companions introduced themselves. They labelled their Doctors as well, because the Doctors were against going by their numbers.

A figure appeared in the candlelight, once the introductions were complete.

A woman, they could all easily tell. Though the rest of her was lost under a rather drab robe. And the green hat atop her head.

"Hello there." She greeted. Her voice was gravely,

"Who are you?" Clara asked.

"Not this again!" Donna huffed. "Can't you just give us peace?"

"No." The woman stated, sounding pleased with the chaos she was creating. "It's come to my attention, many of you have- in one form or another- come across this being." The woman remarked. "A tragedy, in of itself. However her history is vague to you, her _true_ atrocities blind to you. You don't want to think about her, or you doubt all together."

"Who are you talking about?" Ten asked.

"What atrocities?" Nine added.

"Tell us who you are. Now." Eleven demanded.

The figure laughed, beneath her hat. "And you, Twelfth Doctor, what do _you_ think I've brought you to see?" The oldest Doctor stared at the figure, expression flat. "I know _you_ know who she is."

"What of it?" Twelve snapped.

Clara turned to him. "Doctor?"

"You know her too, Clara." Twelve reminded her. "Who's _not_ here right now?"

It took Clara less than a second. "Terra." She looked to the other couches, remembering in a rush that none of the other women introduced themselves as Terra. The Time Lady was nowhere to be seen. Then what the mysterious figure implied... "Oh no."

"Yes." Twelve looked to the figure. "You're showing us the dark side, aren't you?"

The figure laughed, her gravely voice probably would've sounded like bells. "Yes I am."

"Dark side?" Martha repeated. "Of who? _Terra?_ "

"Yes." The figure answered, lifting her face enough for everyone to see her glowing orange eyes. "And let me tell you all, it's gonna be _delicious."_

 **==TADRLWH==**

 **AN: Because I hate everyone XD**


	9. Face Chair

A woman, face hidden by a black masquerade mask, glared down with glowing oranges eyes at a stuffed llama. The woman's black hair was an ugly nest behind her head. She wore the same grey dress as 'Carl' did, along with the green hat. The llama doll wore the red hat, along with a mask that resembled a human male.

The worst part was a display, exposed to the light. A display that couldn't be described as normal. Donna and Clara gagged at the sight of it.

You know the Iron Throne? This was similar to that. It was clearly stricter with from human bones, the 'fabric' nothing but human faces, set up like a cushion chair.

Morgana watched the chair with a curious expression. The llama doll beside her had a tilted head to stare at it.

"Those are _faces_." Donna pointed out, again disgusted.

Clara gagged at the reminder of that restaurant. She could still remember the feel of the human face mask in her hands. It was disgusting then, and it's disgusting now. "God who could do that?"

"Those are _faces?!"_ Rose yelped. She curled away from the couch onto her couch. She was reminded of the _Madame de Pompadour,_ of all those people that had died. "Why would she do that?"

The llama doll suddenly yelled.

Morgana blinked. She looked down at it, innocently. " _Who,_ me?"

The doll yelled again.

Morgana leaned on one of the parts of the chair. " _Whatever could you be referring to?"_

The llama screehed. A lot of the companions winced at the harsh sound.

" _Oh the hand chair. I've recently taken up carpentry."_ Morgana replied airily. At the llama's next screech, Morgana gasped in offense. " _Oh, how would_ you _feel if I called_ YOUR _work a monstrosity?"_

"It _is_ a monstrosity!" Amy snapped at it.

"Why is it a hand chair?" Jack asked. "It's not even made out of hands.

Nine smacked the back of his head.

" _Of course I had to use faces! Anything else would be disrespecting the art!"_ Morgana defended to the llama.

"Disrespecting art?" Jack asked, gawking at it.

"It's still bleeding!" Rory realized.

Sure enough, the spaces between the sown on faces was leaking red goo.

The Doctors stood up. Many reached for their screwdrivers- only to find their pockets missing. Twelve took out a pair of sunglasses that he had been trying out to scan it.

"It's not blood." He informed them, sitting back on his couch. "It's paint."

Clara turned to him, surprise he could tell from that far before she saw the sunglasses. "Are you wearing sunglasses in the dark?"

Twelve tucked the sunglasses away. "No."

"You were. I just saw them!"

"No you didn't, Clara. Your eyes can't see things clearly in the dark." Twelve remarked, not looking Clara's direction.

The llama screeched.

" _It's called_ modernism, _only I've made it more modern by using face parts of city council members!"_ Morgana explained. Everyone watching grimaced. The llama squeaked. " _I disagree with the election results."_

The llama yelled in offense.

" _Someone had to take a stand! I'm patriot, and a hero!"_ Morgana puffed up her chest, standing proudly at attention. The llama screeched. " _Fine! If you're going to whine about it, I can sow it back on."_ The llama replied. " _I hope their bodies are still in the blood canal..."_

"Blood canal?!" Mickey yelped.

"A canal full of blood." River answered. "Or dead bodies." She shrugged. "Probably both."

" _Yes,_ I'm _the crazy one, but not the people who_ elected _those buffoons!"_ Morgana scoffed at the llama. It scoffed back. " _If you paid any attention to our city charter meetings, you would see it wasn't an over reaction."_

Then the llama fell on it's side.

Morgana blinked at it. " _What are you doing?"_ It beeped. Morgana glared, starting to growl. " _You're sitting..."_ The llama beeped tiredly. " _You never sit."_

"Wait so the llama wasn't supposed to fall?" Mickey asked Martha in a low voice.

"No, it was supposed to fall. That's why she's mad." Martha whispered back.

The llama whined.

" _You're always standing, Tony! You're not supposed to sit."_ Morgana yelled at it, like a dramatic child.

"Tony?" Amy asked. She turned to Eleven. "Who's Tony?"

"I don't know." Eleven lied, convincingly. He remembered Terra telling him about that man, and he didn't want to be slapped in the face when she came back for revealing a secret of her's.

River knew the answer too. She had a lot of conversations of that time in Terra's life with Terra herself and Darcy.

Across the room, Clara was asking Twelve a similar question.

"Is that him?" Clara asked. "The one that Morgana let live as a pet?"

Twelve nodded.

Clara frowned, in sympathy for her friend. "

The llama whined.

" _I find this very upsetting."_ Morgana hissed.

The llama whined again.

It was quickly becoming everyone's favorite character, by whining alone.

Morgana sniffled, obviously pretending to anyone not dead. " _You don't even care, do you? About MY feelings!"_

"She has feelings?" Ten remarked. Rose smiled at the joke.

" _Will you please stand up, Tony."_ Morgana ordered.

The llama actually spun in place, like someone off the side pressed a button on a remote.

" _I don't even know who you are anymore..."_ She complained.

The llama whined.

Yes it was still spinning.

" _No you cannot take off the mask, it has to look right when throw you into the blood canal."_

Everyone gagged at the sudden image of the blood canal. The first time they could ignore now, now it was in their faces and disgusting.

 **==TADRWLH==**

 **Thanks to Sp00kyT00ns for following**


End file.
